Exactly 31 days ago I arrived from an absolutely, marvelous trip to Southern California. Spending time with dear friends, dog sitting, beach time, fun time, climbing and I even worked quite a bit too. Nevertheless, it was a trip of catching up with work, spending time with friends, rejuvenating, and planning my super adventurous 2015. In fact, in December, I wrote my 2014 reflection and 2015 goals, eager to edit and post on the blog. One day later, my mom’s life (and mine) changed. I followed a weird gut feeling, went to my mom’s place and found her passed out in her apartment. Emergency room and diagnosis later, my mom needed brain surgery and successfully pushed through that event. While she was recovering in rehab, I have been keeping my work up, my house in order, trying to climb here and there, getting some hikes in, no yoga (boohoo), visiting my mom every day and dealing with the fact I have had very little time to take care of me. The most awesome case manager and I have been working so hard trying to find the next place post discharge, which would be, assisted living. There are so many rules, so many this and so many that. All this I have been doing before or after work. After so much effort, I finally found the perfect assisted living facility close to home which fell through today at the last minute. I am a tough cookie, but I went into my old boss’ office and cried, he listened and offered the kindest words and support. He knew me right out of college, mentored me and taught me everything I know with regards to my career. Many years later (I won’t tell exactly how many, ha!), I knew I could let my guard down and cry my butt off with him.
At the moment, I decided to delay posting that piece I wrote last month about my 2015 goals. This experience has taught me that while climbing is so essential in my life, supporting my mom is needed right now. The rock is always there waiting for me.
I thought, since today was probably one of the suckiest days I have to deal with in this journey, and it is the 27th of January, I will list out 27 reasons to keep pushing forward.
I know this journey will be one that will….
- Present achievements along with many challenges,
- Present all sorts of learning opportunities I never imagined,
- Present and expose weaknesses I never thought I could conquer,
- Present mountains I never thought I would need to move,
- Present reasons to strive to improve who I am,
- Require I re-evaluate what is most important in my life,
- Require I make sacrifices I never thought I would be willing to make,
- Require I let go of control and accept I will not always get it right the first time,
- Require I let some walls and guards down and expose myself every now and then,
- Require I take a second or two to take care of myself,
- Teach me to appreciate always all those there supporting and encouraging me,
- Teach me to swallow my pride and ask for help when I need it,
- Teach me to always endure through tough times,
- Teach me to follow my gut instinct,
- Teach me to accept my mom for who she is and not judge her beyond her true abilities,
- Remind me to take deep breaths,
- Remind me to focus on today because what I plan for tomorrow in life is never a guarantee,
- Remind me to never overlook the power of prayer,
- Remind me to pour 100% of my heart and soul with no regrets,
- Remind me to always position my heart to sincerely enjoy giving without expectation of return,
- Remind me to sign up for long term care insurance and continue to save for retirement,
- Remind me to try to inspire others who find themselves in a pinch like I have often times this month,
- Allow me to grow closer to God, my family, my friends and my mom,
- Allow me to reflect after this season has passed and apply lessons learned wherever I can,
- Allow me to hang tight through that life crux, scope my options and execute my life techniques until I send (oh gosh what a climber I am!),
- Allow me to forgive freely and not judge my sister for putting more importance to playing Facebook games and bitstrips than picking up the phone to call and check in on me while I endure this alone (well as sisters, I know I am not alone), and
- Allow me to continue living and appreciating life and the real people in it, in the moment.